Bad Science

Dear Jost,

2005-05-13T15:13:00.000-04:00

Doctors learning about sweating disorder

Epilogue

2005-05-03T09:20:00.000-04:00

I won't have any more use for these, so I'll give them to you now.

This Too Shall Pass

2005-05-03T09:06:00.000-04:00

On my mind: Laughter

I wish I could share Dr. Weil's sentiment, but unfortunately today Bad Science closes up shop for good. In order that you might entertain each other, I have activated the comments option. Go back and relive your favorite Bad Science moments. At what point did you first come to terms with your own mortality? How often did you feel your beliefs being challenged? I'm talking specifically about your belief that old people aren't gross. Share your stories, and at the same time let the comments section reveal the embarrassing fact that my readership comprises no more than six people, three of whom are Vali. I leave you with this:

Disfiguring Eye Disease Dampens Mood

Because looking at a guy with a diseased eye certainly does kill your buzz. Thanks for coming, disfigured guy, but you totally ruined the party.

It's Only Going to Get Better! (Or Worse, Depending)

2005-04-20T14:06:00.000-04:00

In a recent NEJM there's a book review of The Status Syndrome: How Social Standing Affects Our Health and Longevity. The author, Michael Marmot, argues that, independent of wealth, successful people are healthier and live longer than people whom I will assume he describes in private as "human failures." So, congrats to successful people, then. Sounds like everything is going pretty great for you.

Also: "Marmot shows us that a health gradient even shows up among successful actors and actresses who have won Oscars and those who haven't."

Which I guess means putting up with 80 more years of Anna Paquin's bullshit.

This, I Like

2005-04-19T16:28:00.000-04:00

The introduction to an article in AARP: The Magazine:

"You hear 'health club' and you picture a sea of Spandex-clad twentysomethings Jazzercising to rap music."

2005-04-18T15:23:00.000-04:00

On My Mind: Green Drinks

Headlines and the Movies I Will Make Based on Them

2005-04-14T15:54:00.000-04:00

Vets See Reemergence of Dog-to-Human Disease
Typhoid Fido: A Best Friend's Betrayal

Cannabis Use Tied to Psychosis
Doobious Danger: "Gateway" to Crazyville

Grandma's Smoking May Up Kid's Asthma Risk
Hazy Memories: Smokey Old Nanna and My Breathing Disease

Genetic Mutation Wakes Families Before Sunrise
X-Men 4: Jean Grey Gets a Head Start on the Day

My Search for the Truth

2005-04-13T16:06:00.000-04:00

A doctor named Quackenbush? Seems impossible, and the article about him in NEJM didn't do much to challenge this assumption. Firstly, the article begins, "Much like the giant Homer Simpson Pez dispenser in his office, John Quackenbush, PhD, dispenses tasty tidbits when he opens his mouth," which just makes me think: Can a guy this awesome even exist? Secondly, this is the photo of him included with the article:

Not a real person

Some tasty tidbits include his thoughts on cell pathways: "The best discussion I've seen in the last year is from George Stephanopoulos, PhD, a chemical engineer." Now I'm certain this isn't for real, because how could George Stephanopoulos have time to become a chemical engineer when he is so busy looking handsome?

Important scientist

The one piece of evidence substantiating John Quackenbush's existence is his membership in the renowned Luxuriant Flowing Hair Club for Scientists whose members also include these people:

You Will Actually Probably Get This

2005-04-12T15:29:00.000-04:00

"Radial nerve palsy" -- sounds boring. That is, until you meet its sexy sobriquet, "Saturday night palsy." Now it's party time. This awesome rager of a disease, immortalized in classic 70s films and Cat Stevens covers, is so called "because it occurs in people who drink heavily and then sleep soundly with an arm draped over the back of a chair or under the head. The nerve damage weakens the wrist and fingers so the wrist may flop into a bent position with the fingers curved." (Merck Manual of Medical Information).

If they want to scare people away from this condition, why do they paint such a darling picture? Sleeping soundly with one arm draped over a chair, wrist flopping about? Who'd believe that this charming lagabout would soon be manually incapacitated by complete loss of function and uncontrollable tremor?

BHS

2005-04-11T15:54:00.000-04:00

From the February 10th issue of NEJM, an affliction we can all relate to: broken heart syndrome.

"Emotional stress can precipitate severe, reversible left ventricular dysfunction in patients without coronary disease."

Mama said there'd be days like this! Just say no to expensive surgeries, and say yes to these tips for healing a broken heart that I found on a website for teens:

"This is a great time to redecorate your room or try a new hobby."

"The human spirit is amazing."

"Remember what's good about you." (Have you forgotten about your one ventricle that is totally operational?)

When all else fails, take comfort in the fact that in Japan, the broken heart syndrome is known as "'takotsubo cardiomyopathy,' named for the fishing pot with a narrow neck and wide base that is used to trap octopus."

JAMA 100 Years Ago

2005-04-08T09:25:00.000-04:00

Science and Rest.
An opportunity to escape from the turmoil of this commercial world is often eagerly sought by the physician no less than by others. With the omnipresent mail and telegraph pursuing him, he begins to find it hard to secure a place for quiet recreation. Unless he can take an ocean voyage, the busy physician sometimes solves the problem by stealing away into the wild woods, his location being known to but one trusty friend. An ocean voyage has been long considered an ideal of freedom from care...But the quiet of this scene is threatened. We are told that while on her voyage many miles from land a ship received news by wireless telegraphy, a newspaper was printed and laid by the breakfast plates of the passengers. So it may not be long ere the busy physician can take his ocean voyage, but yes not get away from his g. p's...Thus by the advance of science the world becomes smaller and smaller until there will be no place left whither weary man may escape for rest.

Some Hedlinez

2005-04-07T13:57:00.000-04:00

This is one of those headlines that makes me think the article is going to be awesome but then instead it's about cancer:

Epstein-Barr Virus Makes Cells Immortal

This is one of those headlines that makes me think there is a pretty sweet episode of "Monk" in my future:

Morphine May Help Obsessive-compulsive Disorder

What You Didn't Know

2005-04-06T15:15:00.000-04:00

Bunions are gross, right? Wrong.

Thanks to the February 2005 issue of Mayo Women's Health Letter I have some news that might warm you up to our little friends. A small bunion is called a "bunionette," and the process of removing a bunion is a "bunionectomy." I dare you not to have a smile on your face right now!

Statistics Show That Today's Teens Are Boring, Fat

2005-04-05T15:30:00.000-04:00

Statistics show that teen sex, pregnancy, drug use, crime and other things that make life worth living are down from past years, but the obesity rate among teens is steeply on the rise. Whereas their parents spent time industriously occupied at crack-fueled orgies in warehouses full of stolen electronics equipment, today's kids spend all their time watching the internet and eating other, smaller kids. In 1975, if a teenage girl weighed 180 pounds it was because someone put a baby in there. Now I don't know what to think!

(I would be remiss not to mention that the director of the youth justice program at the Urban Institute commenting on the statistics is named Jeffrey Butts.)

In a related story, an insurance company in West Virginia is conducting a study using the game Dance Dance Revolution to get kids more physically active. Poorer kids participating in the study are only allowed to play World Class Track Meet with Power Pad for NES.

March Madness

2005-04-04T14:31:00.000-04:00

Australian Surgeons Reattach Boy's Foot, Hands

This incident took place "after a freak basketball accident...when a brick wall supporting a basketball backboard gave way as [Terry Vo] executed a slam dunk at a friend's birthday party...the weight and force of the collapse, and the sharp brick edges and a broken metal rain gutter, cut Vo's three limbs just above the wrists and ankle."

Dr. Robert Love, the dude who sewed a kid back together, says he expects a full recovery for the boy, and continues "I'm sure that he'll enjoy a game of basketball in the future."

Although I respect Dr. Love's opinion as a man of science, I'd like to humbly offer a second opinion which is that Terry Vo will in fact never enjoy the game of basketball again.

TGIF

2005-04-01T14:51:00.000-05:00

After an uncharacteristic lapse of vigilance I returned to find my sentry murdered and the awkward and unwieldy title "100 Years Ago at JAMA" surreptitiously replaced with the sleek and sexy "JAMA 100 Years Ago." Its content seems to have remained unchanged.

The Enforcement of Anti-Spitting Laws.
In several parts of the country within the last two or three weeks there has been a salutary revival of the crusade against the spitting nuisance...Before that time prosecutions for this offense were often thrown out of court and it was practically recognized as one of the rights of the citizen that he might spit when and where he pleased...Other [spitters] may be more obstinate, but an occasional arrest or fine will go a long way toward inducing reform in manners and morals...If a person needs to spit he can go to the curb and spit in the roadway. Of course, this is not the sanitary ideal, but it is at least a long step in advance toward better things. Let the good work go on.

An Open Letter to the Unnamed Person or Persons Who Have Been Repeatedly Threatening Me as a Result of My Recent Coverage of Dr. Andrew Weil

2005-03-31T15:38:00.000-05:00

Dear Vali,

If you had read bad-science.blogspot.com's mission statement (forthcoming), you would know that we are not here to pander to overexposed Hollywood celebrities like Dr. Weil and the editors of the Cleveland Clinic Men's Health Advisor. We are here to superficially monitor medical journals, pick out the parts we like, relay them to our readership entirely free of context, and then comment on them in a way that betrays our ignorance of most or all subjects. So I'm sorry if the brutally honest picture I portray of Dr. Weil as a charlatan and a gentleman-thief does not conform to the idealized version you have constructed of him as a non-crazy person and one of history's great lovers. And if you aren't willing to ask the tough questions, step aside, because there are people who are. I leave you with one such question, sent in to the recent issue of Dr. Weil's newsletter by a conscientious citizen whistleblower:

"Should women who are menstruating not do inverted yoga poses? Is downward dog an inverted pose?"

A Dose of HBOT for Your "The Bends"

2005-03-30T16:21:00.001-05:00

Feeling unwell? Dr. Weil tells us to take a lesson from our friends, the scuba divers:

"When scuba divers surface too quickly, they can get 'the bends' or decompression sickness...the standard treatment is hyperbaric oxygen therapy (HBOT)."

You may think, "I do have the bends, but are you sure that HBOT, which involves being sealed in a chamber under increased atmospheric pressure in one of a limited number of locations throughout the U.S., is really a method of self-healing?" I admit it sounds crazy, but Dr. Weil has done his research and his defense for promoting HBOT is rigorously wrought. It begins: "I'm intrigued by anecdotal reports," and then continues with several other crazy things a doctor would never say.

Only time will tell whether HBOT will be successful in treating non-"the bends" conditions.

"Weil" You Were Out

2005-03-29T16:31:00.000-05:00

For the next couple of days I will apprise you of some important medical information from the February issue of Dr. Andrew Weil's Self Healing.

As per his monthly "On my mind" feature, Dr. Weil sez: "On my mind: Persimmons."

There's more.

From the cover article "Making Sense of Scents" we learn the following information:

"In research to determine which scents boost sexual arousal, licorice, cucumber, and [creepily enough] baby powder were found to best increase blood flow to women's gen[erals]. For men, pumpkin pie was most appealing." I'll assume that in a paragraph edited out for space, Dr. Weil noted that on his "Sexiest Smells" questionnaire, "pumpkin pie" actually came in second to the popular write-in vote, "boobs."

For Your Convenience

2005-03-28T17:03:00.000-05:00

A summary of the February 2005 issue of UC Berkeley's Wellness Letter:

"Riding in traffic can give you more than a headache--it can bring on a heart attack."

"Are you pre-sick?"

"As your stamina and coordination increase, you'll be able to jump longer and faster and try fancier footwork."

"Defecation is taboo as a subject for polite conversation."

"Share your Chinese food."

Learn Your History

2005-03-25T16:24:00.000-05:00

Mountain Residents Live Longer

This news item fails to make any mention of the great massacre in which the noble mountain people were slain by the wicked valley people seeking treasure buried deep beneath a stone. As it turns out, the "treasure" was a simple message of peace, which confused the valley people who did not speak the language. The valley people moved on to pillage the mountain people's homes, and in the end did pret-ty well for themselves.

Food and Drink News

2005-03-24T15:30:00.000-05:00

A Little Meat Adds a Lot to Poor Kids' Diets

Hey poor kids: Why don't you idiots try eating meat for a change?

Malt Liquor Drink of Homeless and Unemployed

Yeah, right! Try "Malt Liquor Drink of Awesome Dudes." Yes! Party at my place tonight, everybody. My dad is buying us some King Cobras, so you know it will be off the hook. He's out of work right now, so be nice to him. I love you, Dad, keep truckin!

Tip Your Waitress

2005-03-23T15:28:00.000-05:00

X Chromosome Shows Why Women Differ From Men

Why would you read this article when I've got all the answers right here in my stand-up act?: Whereas men are always like "I can't commit," women are always like "Does this make my butt look big?"

Thank you, you guys have been great.

Perfect

2005-03-22T11:54:00.000-05:00

Gut Bacteria Use Sugar Disguise, Study Finds

I found this headline difficult to parse. Also, "gut bacteria"? This lets me know me we are dealing with some intellectual heavy-hitters. A layperson like myself would have said "belly juices."

Supes

2005-03-21T11:00:00.000-05:00

U.S. Rabbis Can Use Tube to Suck Circumcision Blood

Finally! Now people will stop thinking this ritual is crazy.

(Click on the link and note the ways in which the capitalization and punctuation errors on the actual headline make it somehow awesomer.)

Catch Up

2005-03-21T10:58:00.000-05:00

This week I'll be briefing you on some headlines from the National Institutes of Health (NIH) that I fear you might have missed while I was away.

Back! Maybe?

2005-03-18T14:15:00.000-05:00

100 Years Ago at JAMA

Miscellany
Infants in Sweat Shops.--About the limit in the atrocities of sweat labor is the case of a female infant, eighteen months of age, who, according to the newspapers, was discovered at sweat shop work in a tenement house. The baby rolled balls in paste for her mother to work with.
Dr. Osler as a Joker.--When Dr. Osler issued his dictum on the uselessness of the average man who has passed his fortieth and sixtieth birthday, says the Nebraska State Journal, it must have warmed his soul to see how vigorously the solemn editors took the bait and made off with it. Dr. Osler, let it be known, is an incorrigible wag. One of his previous exploits was the publication that 33 1/3 per cent. of the women students in medicine in Johns Hopkins University had married into the faculty. After the sage editors had swallowed the hook, bob and sinker, he unsmilingly came forward with the further information that there were three of these students in the university, and one of them had married a professor!

The Honeymoon Is Over

2005-03-01T16:37:00.000-05:00

I'm going on sabbatical for a short time. Until then, take any kind of drug and participate in any kind of clinical trial you please. You'll probably be safe!

For now, go here and click on "submit answers" to see how you almost got tricked by the government.

Attention Teenage Girls: You Cannot Win

2005-02-28T14:54:00.000-05:00

Skim Milk Linked to Acne Among Teen Girls.

Adolescent Girl, as you read this article, excessively-mascaraed, midriff-bared, you must be hanging your hairsprayed head in defeat. Just when you almost had it all figured out! It's one more kick to the nuts from a world set entirely against you. You will have to start putting Diet Coke on your cereal.

100 Years Ago at JAMA

2005-02-25T12:42:00.000-05:00

Sugar as an Exclusive Diet.
The Paris Temps has been publishing a series of articles on the subject. It recently received a letter from an engineer in South Africa, J. Jacquier of Johannesburg, who stated that during the late war he was caught between the two armies and was compelled to remain in his hiding place for six weeks with no food except a supply of sugar. He had six rabbits with him, and he fed himself and the rabbits exclusively with sugar mixed with sawdust. All thrived on it and the rabbits grew fat.

Bibliography Request

2005-02-24T14:34:00.000-05:00

In the Jan 5 2005 issue of JAMA, Robert H. Eckel, M.D., explains that the best diet is a "Low-Fad" diet: a combination of healthy eating and exercise. While "Low-Fad" diet is a clever turn of phrase, I do find it a little irresponsible of Dr. Eckel--as a scholar--not to cite which "Cathy" strip he borrowed it from.

Gotcha!

2005-02-23T14:48:00.000-05:00

This headline could have been phrased any number of ways, but the author wanted to make sure the underlying "screw you" in his message came out loud and clear:

Writing Out Feelings Helps, But Not for Asthma.

I Don't Know How Women Who Are Without This Information Will Survive The Year

2005-02-22T09:26:00.000-05:00

The cover story of the December issue of Harvard Women's Health Watch reveals some indispensable information in the field of women's health. It is: "Five for 2005: Five Reasons to Forgive." Here's why: "Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself."

100 Years Ago at JAMA

2005-02-18T10:35:00.000-05:00

Schoolboy Mosquito Brigades.
In San Antonio, Texas, a campaign against the mosquito has been taken up in a rather peculiar way. The health officer of New Orleans, who has been manfully striving to overcome the difficulties in that city, was apparently forced to go out of the city to demonstrate what might be done. He...has started a movement among the school children to fight the mosquito. We have heard of Mr. Sherlock Holmes' Baker street gang, to which he applied sometimes to search out important facts, using the street boys for his purpose. There is very little that escapes a live boy if his attention is called to it. Dr. Kohnke's demonstrations seem to have started the enthusiasm of the San Antonio schoolboys, and it is a wary wiggletail that is going to escape their attention, according to newspaper accounts...Under properly regulated supervision we can see no more successful mosquito brigade than one composed of thoroughly instructed schoolboys indulging their natural destructive tendencies in killing these pestilent insects.

Gamez

2005-02-17T13:55:00.000-05:00

From the "Kids' Corner" of the latest issue of Diabetes Forecast:

Magic Boxes
People who enjoy working with numbers sometimes draw what they call "magic" boxes. Here is a very ancient one. Can you see how it got its name? [Ed: Which part of the name? The "magic" part or the "box" part? Because I think I know how it got the box part! (with magic)]

2 7 6
9 5 1
4 3 8

[Ed: I think the thing that will help you solve this puzzle is remembering how ancient it is.]

Things Are Starting To Pick Up

2005-02-16T12:53:00.000-05:00

Scientists in high-pressure environments dealing with deadly, seemingly-incurable diseases probably have a high incidence of crazy batshit freak-outs, but I love where these guys are going with it:

UCLA scientists make HIV attack cancer

Well Titled

2005-02-15T10:13:00.000-05:00

From NEJM Dec 23 2004, this is a good title for an article:

"Riboswitches -- To Kill or Save the Messenger"

Especially if, somehow, riboswitches are exactly what they sound like.

Happy Valentine's Day from Bad Science

2005-02-14T14:55:00.000-05:00

For your edification:

Please direct all further questions to this man:

Tidbits from 100 Years Ago at JAMA

2005-02-11T11:15:00.000-05:00

"Notwithstanding the popular jocosity on the subject, there is no special relationship or alliance between the medical profession and the undertakers."

"An immense amount of dust is daily inhaled by those living in a great city. No additional evidence on the point is needed."

"Furs and fur rugs were found to contain from 20 to 1,700 times as much arsenic as would be allowed by the law of Massachusetts."

"At present, and probably for a long time in the future, the continuance of life to one hundred years or over is a happy--or shall we say an unhappy--accident, and being a centenarian, with its physical infirmities, is at best a mighty lonesome condition."

At a Loss

2005-02-10T11:27:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I was reading what was less like a scientific periodical and more like a catalog, and I stumbled upon a board game called "Discharge Survival." The only description is this: "Provides an opportunity to actively prepare for re-entry into society."

Although I have no idea what that could possibly mean, I can't imagine a scenario where this game is played that is not terrifying.

You're Crazy!

2005-02-09T13:51:00.000-05:00

In her article, "Illness and Secrecy on the Supreme Court," (NEJM December 23 2004) Susan Okie, M.D. talks about the fact that throughout history, judges who have been "seriously ill or mentally impaired," have continued to serve on the bench, interpreting the Constitution, and smugly cloaking themselves, withered and dementia-ridden, with the rich tapestry of jurisprudence. Take Justice William O. Douglas, for instance: "Despite difficulty speaking, constant pain, and frequent confusion, Douglas refused to consider retiring..."

Although this is a little disturbing, it does make me glad that I stopped obeying laws a long time ago.

Things That Make Sense Dept.

2005-02-08T15:02:00.000-05:00

"The 'Balance Guide to Blood Glucose Meters' was about as helpful as going to the Yellow Pages to look for a reliable double glazing company." (Balance: Diabetes UK Dec 2004)

A Further Note on Dr. Andrew Weil

2005-02-07T13:56:00.000-05:00

My colleagues and I happen to share with Dr. Weil alumniship in a small collegiate gentleman's club. If you were to be made aware of the popular topics of discussion at that club, you would see it as a classic case of taking a joke too far that Andrew Weil actually went on to become a crazy doctor.

At Least One Person Will Be Pleased With This Post

2005-02-07T13:34:00.000-05:00

It's probably a good idea to familiarize yourself with this man, Dr. Andrew Weil, who is renowned in the field of alternative medicine, which is where when you're sick, instead of going to a doctor, you just eat some plants or something. Maybe you have seen Dr. Andrew Weil before. He is on TV sometimes.

Here is the kind of thing you will find in his newsletter, Dr. Andrew Weil's Self-Healing:

"Rubenfeld Synergy Method. Developed by psychotherapist and bodyworker Ilana Rubenfeld, this therapy combines gentle touch and verbal dialogue to access emotions and memories stored in the body. If what clients say and what their bodies reveal don't agree (for instance, a man whose fiancee left him says he forgives her, but his back feels hard, suggesting anger), practitioners can help clients listen to their bodies' messages."

What kind of job is bodyworker? I ask because it sounds a lot like the job I have now.

p.s. Ilana Rubenfeld: spare us your life story, lady. Here is a "verbal dialogue" I wrote about you:

[Ilana Rubenfeld is bodyworking her ex-fiancee]

Ilana: Wow, yeah, your back is totally saying that you miss me and want me back.
Ex-Fiancee: How did you get into my house?

100 Years Ago at JAMA

2005-02-04T11:42:00.000-05:00

Physicians and Reciprocity.
The physician, because of the nature of the work required of him, may usually be expected to have his wits about him. We have read of the physician who, receiving a large plumber's bill and being scandalized by some of the time-consuming methods of that tradesman, paid the bill and bided his time. Being the family physician of the plumber, he was called one day and went without medicine case or instruments. On finding what was the matter, he went home for his case, and included in his bill a liberal charge for this procedure. The plumber remonstrated, but when it was explained to him that the physician did not know what tools he wanted until he saw that patient, the plumber grasped the situation and paid the bill.

Do You Remember...SARS?

2005-02-03T15:11:00.000-05:00

A recent JAMA article (December 15 2004) entitled "Civets Off the Menu?" reminds us that those nutty civets are still out there doing what they do best: spreading SARS. And while the last thing I want to do is tell restaurateurs in China how do their jobs, the fact that 70% of civets are infected makes me think that--just maybe--civets should have been taken off the menu several years ago.

When looking for an image to help me illustrate how dangerous civets are, I stumbled upon this one:

which I found a little confusing. What exactly is this picture saying? That civets don't have SARS? Because, listen, I know that they do. Did the civet choose to wear this badge as a warning? Because that doesn't really jibe with the one thing I know to be true about civets: they are exceedingly unreliable.

Here is a more helpful visual:

"I am totally rocking the SARS virus."

You Can Relax

2005-02-02T13:59:00.000-05:00

"Currently, no FDA approved arthritis medications are derived from snake venom. There's also little scientific data that support its use in treating arthritis." (Mayo Clinic on Arthritis)

This means that next time an old guy shouts that oft-heard mantra at you,"Got an ache? Drink a snake!" you don't have to do it, (unless he seems really serious about it).

Not As Good

2005-02-01T13:55:00.000-05:00

I've rarely been so disappointed as when I encountered the misleadingly titled "The Health of Young Victorians Study," cited in JAMA (Jan 5 2005) which naturally I imagined would read something like this:

This being a good and rightful account the youth, upon whose ruddy Constitution our great Nation has come to rely, &c.

198 killed battling in Crimea.
17 overcome with blushing and faintness upon making eye contact with a Collie dog.
38 overcome with blushing and faintness upon being praised for charity work.
64 overcome with blushing and faintness (unexplained).
15 suffered heartattack upon being informed that George Eliot is a woman.
12 became slightly sweaty from overexertion practicing the violincello.
8 became a cranky but loveable crime-solving invalid.
14 engaged in a self-administered, and poorly executed phlebotomy.
17 presented an unfortunate case of lice and nits.
6 had whatever that kid from The Secret Garden had.
15 consumed not nearly enough morphine.
3 collapsed in a giggle fit after picturing the vicar in a bustle.
13 tried valiantly to, but ultimately could not, be expelled of brain demons.
232 perished while labouring in our great Manufactories, of these
---78 Smoke inhalation
---26 Excessive growth of the tubers
---128 Frailty, generally

Instead, the study looks at how many teenagers living in Victoria, Australia are overweight or something.

In conclusion, for more information on the history of robots in the Victorian era, go here.

News I Wish More People Would Use

2005-01-31T14:43:00.000-05:00

"The green-apple two-step" is a euphemism for diarrhea. (As used in Nutrition Action newsletter.)

100 Years Ago at JAMA

2005-01-28T13:35:00.000-05:00

Medical News

Missouri.
Declared Insane. -- Dr Moritz F. Wyman, after scattering $2,000 in gold and silver on a wild ride through the streets of St. Joseph, was arrested, found insane and committed to the State Hospital for the Insane, October 24.

Pennsylvania.
An Award for Science. -- By Virtue of an agreement made before her death, the heart of Mrs. Mary O'Neill was awarded to Dr Henry Martin Hall, Pittsburg, by a coroner's jury, October 8.

Foreign.
Wine Adulterer Fined. -- A wine manufacturer of Carcassone, France, has been fined $19,500 for adultering wines with an admixture of ingredients dangerous to health.

More Important Science Books for Doctors

2005-01-27T14:27:00.000-05:00

This important book, reviewed by Marc S. Nelson in the December 8, 2004 issue of JAMA, falls into the category of medical literature known as "Emergency Fiction," which you might think cannot possibly be as awesome as it sounds. This week's title, Lie Still: A Novel of Suspense, dares to prove you wrong.

I admit I became doubtful of Marc S. Nelson's medical taste when he chose to include this excerpt from the novel:

"No one had to tell us she was tall, classically beautiful, and, from my testosterone-hardened viewpoint, undeniably sexy...She usually wore fitted clothes, so there was ample evidence to believe her body was everything a woman's body...should be."

But my confidence in him as an aesthete and critical reviewer of books was restored when I read this concluding assessment:

"Although this book is not written at the level of The Da Vinci Code (few books are), it has enough twists and turns to keep the reader interested."

Famous

2005-01-26T14:31:00.000-05:00

Every issue of Diabetes Forecast features an article profiling a person with diabetes who is famous or is otherwise noteworthy. My favorite profile is on "Winston Shaw: The Man Who Loves Eagles."

Weekly Top 40

2005-01-25T15:25:00.000-05:00

To fully enjoy this post you must first be familiar with the 1960s hit song "Tie Me Kangaroo Down, Sport" by Rolf Harris, who is Australian. If you don't know the song (because maybe it was only a hit in the Commonwealth), please look around the internet for a copy. Some versions may contain the racist verse about aborigines that was later taken out.

Here from an issue of Balance: Diabetes UK is a health-oriented homage to the song mentioned above.

"Tie Me Cholesterol Down, Mate"
By Mr. L. Little

Keep your blood pressure down, mate,
Keep that cholesterol in check.
Stay away from the butter and fat, mate,
Although you may think 'what the heck?'
Leave the car and walk instead, mate,
Lose some weight from your tum.
Then you'll be fit as a fiddle, mate,
Even fitter than David Beckham.

Things Are Different

2005-01-24T13:38:00.000-05:00

One of the main differences between NEJM and JAMA is that while the former's pages are rife with awesome and terrifying images of deformities, growths, and skin diseasedness, in addition to really unsettling war injury pictures that I won't post on this site, the latter publishes photos like this one, which they have adorably captioned "A Mouse Goes for a Spin"!

From "100 Years Ago at JAMA"

2005-01-21T16:11:00.000-05:00

Medical Errors in Fiction.
It seems to be the rule, unfortunately, for writers of fiction, when dealing with medical subjects, to pay no attention to facts...We have to regret, however, its occurrence in the recent writings of a celebrated author who was educated as a medical man. Dr. Conan Doyle, in "The Adventure of the Golden Pince-Nez," just published, makes Sherlock Holmes say, in commenting on a pair of glasses that has been found, "You will see, Watson, that the glasses are convex and of unusual strength." In another place, speaking of the owner of these glasses, Holmes says: "Unfortunately for her, she had lost her glasses in the scuffle, and as she was extremely short-sighted she was really helpless without them." To make a short-sighted person wear convex glasses, even in fiction, is not to be commended...In this particular instance, the result of the neglect of attention to facts is unusually unfortunate, for it involves our friend, the famous detective, and also his friend, Dr. Watson; and this involvement shows them in a very unenviable light--they are shown to be weak where they should be strong.

L.A. Friends: I Hope This Helps

2005-01-20T09:20:00.000-05:00

I would like to thank my expert correspondent for bringing this website to my attention:

Body Worlds: Anatomical Exhibitions of Real Human Bodies

Some highlights:

Just a dude shootin' hoops.

This I can't explain.

In the service of High Farce, some clever wag placed a fedora on the torn up head of the hapless gentleman shown above. I'd like to meet this hoaxter and learn all I can from him.

(Look near this splayed dude's left nut. You will be rewarded with the awed face of curious child.)

Body Worlds will be on exhibit until January 23rd at the California Science Center. Body Worlds 2 begins January 29th.

Some Friendly Suggestions

2005-01-19T15:29:00.000-05:00

I was a little disappointed to note that two consecutive issues of Mayo Clinic Women's HealthSource featured articles addressing that most ladylike of afflictions: headache. Would Julie Abbott, M.D., M.P.H., and the rest of the kittenish coquettes on the editorial board really have us believe that there are no other more pressing medical issues facing women? Have they forgotten about uterus malaria? Boob flu? What about that big tube that connects a woman's face to her butt (internally)? It must get inflamed once in a while. I could probably also come up with several other interesting and fictional diseases for them to write about, which is why I hope they hire me as Ideas-Pitchmaster, a secret position not listed on the masthead.

(If for some reason you would like more, not less, information about headaches, allow me to direct your attention to Headache: The Journal of Head and Face Pain. (It is the official journal of the American Headache Society). And if there isn't enough information from this resource, you might also try the American Council for Headache Education (ACHE).)

Old News

2005-01-18T13:18:00.000-05:00

I'm assuming you don't need NEJM to tell you that there's a condition called hypogonadism.

Just What the Doctor Ordered

2005-01-17T13:16:00.000-05:00

Nothing here should surprise you as this is a very typical system. If you don't have access to the optional components, it appears you can just plug your face directly into the computer.

More From "100 Years Ago at JAMA"

2005-01-14T16:03:00.000-05:00

A Physician Withstands a Mob.
...His conduct is in notable contrast to that of many cowardly public officials, whose failures at such times have brought dishonor on their names and on the reputation of their states. In this instance a murderer, himself badly wounded, lay in a hospital. A mob, bent on vengeance, was met at the hospital door by the surgeon-in-charge, who announced his intention to shoot any one who attempted to enter...The physician in this case upheld the best traditions of his profession as a life saver, and should receive the thanks of his brethren and of the community generally. It is a pity that public officials, sheriffs and the like in some portions of the country have not the pluck and regard for their obligations of this physician. He is undoubtedly in his proper place, but otherwise we should recommend the State of Georgia to put him in charge of its militia.

Awkward!

2005-01-14T09:40:00.000-05:00

At the time their November-December issue went to press, I suppose the editors of Balance: Diabetes UK could not have foreseen that their words would mock a great tragedy:

"Governments seem reluctant to adopt the radical public health measures that we know can help to reduce the tsunami of Type 2 diabetes."

Happy New Year

2005-01-13T11:07:00.000-05:00

A study published in the December 22/29, 2004 issue of JAMA concluded that, contrary to popular belief, people do not wait until after holidays to die:

"In conclusion, analysis of thousands of cancer deaths show no pattern to support the concept that 'death takes a holiday.' We find no evidence that cancer patients are able to postpone their death to survive Christmas, Thanksgiving, or their own birthdays."

Some people who might take issue with these findings are those who attended the Broadway production of Death Takes A Holiday, starring Antonio Banderas, and they are likely to have a number of questions for the study's authors, such as "Why would someone put Antonio Banderas in a play?" and "Why did I see this play?"

Ok

2005-01-12T16:48:00.000-05:00

The cover story for a recent issue of Kidney Beginnings: The Magazine for Living Well with Chronic Kidney Disease is "What is Chronic Kidney Disease?" a question you might assume this magazine's readership, in particular, would already know the answer to. Confusingly, the first subject heading of the article is "You may not even have chronic kidney disease."

Don't Believe the Hype

2005-01-11T15:17:00.000-05:00

Recently, Nutrition Action newsletter directed my attention to this study conducted on women employed at semiconductor plants in East Fishkill, New York.

The results of the study state, rather cavalierly, that consumption of alcohol and caffeine reduces the risk of pregnancy. Now before you jump, as I did, to the conclusion that this is incredible news for loose women who love Sparks, I have to stop you. I consulted a colleague of mine (who is an actual scholar in the sciences) and she quickly put the breaks on this sexy, drunk trainwreck of a theory. The study loses credence mainly because the test sample was small and because information was gathered via questionnaires that I will assume consisted of questions like "So how did everything go last night? OMG, did you get drunk and go all the way? Tell me everything." The study did have some merits, for instance including phrases like "women employed at semiconductor plants" and "Fishkill," but it failed to address the well-known facts that alcohol consumption increases the likelihood of unprotected sex, and caffeine is the leading cause of babies. Also, if Hakim et al. are such great scientists, why would they produce data that (when misrepresented by me) indicate that every woman conceives 15 children a year?

Massachusetts History Buffs: Did You Know?

2005-01-10T11:57:00.000-05:00

The December 2, 2004 New England Journal of Medicine (NEJM) informs me that up until the 1960s or so there existed in Waltham, Massachusetts a learning facility for slower children felicitously titled The Fernald State School for the Feebleminded. Along with some really terrifying instances of torture and abuse, activities at the school included "the use of incarcerated children for nontherapeutic experiments, sponsored by Quaker Oats and the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, involving radioactive food...The boys were told that they were joining a science club, with perks of special diets and trips to Red Sox games as rewards."

It seems these kids can really teach us the meaning of "Cowboy Up," and in return someone should probably teach them how to read and write.

First Best Thing in the Journal of the American Medical Association (JAMA)

2005-01-07T11:59:00.000-05:00

There is a section in every issue called "100 Years Ago at JAMA," which is a page of century-old excerpts from the publication. Here's a peek into the medical goings on of 1904:

Whisky Preferences.
Julia Marlowe, the actress, announces to the public that she likes her whisky with a little bitter in it. At least, the newspapers are publishing her photograph with the following testimonial: "I am glad to write my endorsement of the great remedy, Peruna, as a nerve tonic. I do so most heartily.-Julia Marlowe." Perhaps it will not be deemed wholly flippant if it is noted that those who take their whisky straight, as a "nerve tonic," do not usually write testimonials thereof.

Second Best Thing in the Journal of the American Medical Association (JAMA)

2005-01-07T10:38:00.000-05:00

There is a section in every issue called "Poetry and Medicine," which is where they publish poems sent in by doctors. Hey, here's one! This is an excerpt from a poem called "The Dancing Circus of my Brain" by Margaret Burns:

"Finally, I understand--
there are clowns in there,
eighteen of them, crowded into
my frontal cortex, riding tiny
silver unicycles back to the striate
gyrus never once stopping for tea
or Oreos."

This is what doctors think a brain looks like!

Important Science Books for Doctors

2005-01-06T14:23:00.000-05:00

It seems that the New England Journal of Medicine (NEJM) would have us believe that the medical text most worth reviewing during the week of November 18, 2004 was the following:

One of Us: Conjoined Twins and the Future of Normal by Alice Domurat Dreger. "Her primary subject is conjoined twins...but she also brings into the story people with cleft lips, dwarfs, giants, and hermaphrodites."

The second most important medical text was this:

Mutants: On Genetic Variety and the Human Body by Armand Marie Leroi. "Leroi starts his discussion with famous 'monsters' in history...Famous examples include cases of conjoined twins, persons with hypertrichosis, and cyclops...He takes up examples of limb malformations, disorders of stature, and cases of intersex (more commonly known as hermpaphroditism)."

The third had to do with deaf people.

All This Seems to be in Order

2005-01-06T10:37:00.000-05:00

In the January 2005 edition of Harvard Men's Health Watch there is an article on avoiding the flu virus wherein three of the four "tips" for preventing infection take an oddly cryptic tone:

1. "Keep your distance."
2. "Wear a mask."
3. "Protect others."

The fourth is "Wash your hands," which is pretty good advice.

By Way of Introduction

2005-01-05T16:34:00.000-05:00

I am not a doctor, but I have access to a large volume of medical periodicals.