Bad Science

Dear Vali,

If you had read bad-science.blogspot.com's mission statement (forthcoming), you would know that we are not here to pander to overexposed Hollywood celebrities like Dr. Weil and the editors of the Cleveland Clinic Men's Health Advisor. We are here to superficially monitor medical journals, pick out the parts we like, relay them to our readership entirely free of context, and then comment on them in a way that betrays our ignorance of most or all subjects. So I'm sorry if the brutally honest picture I portray of Dr. Weil as a charlatan and a gentleman-thief does not conform to the idealized version you have constructed of him as a non-crazy person and one of history's great lovers. And if you aren't willing to ask the tough questions, step aside, because there are people who are. I leave you with one such question, sent in to the recent issue of Dr. Weil's newsletter by a conscientious citizen whistleblower:

"Should women who are menstruating not do inverted yoga poses? Is downward dog an inverted pose?"

Feeling unwell? Dr. Weil tells us to take a lesson from our friends, the scuba divers:

"When scuba divers surface too quickly, they can get 'the bends' or decompression sickness...the standard treatment is hyperbaric oxygen therapy (HBOT)."

You may think, "I do have the bends, but are you sure that HBOT, which involves being sealed in a chamber under increased atmospheric pressure in one of a limited number of locations throughout the U.S., is really a method of self-healing?" I admit it sounds crazy, but Dr. Weil has done his research and his defense for promoting HBOT is rigorously wrought. It begins: "I'm intrigued by anecdotal reports," and then continues with several other crazy things a doctor would never say.

Only time will tell whether HBOT will be successful in treating non-"the bends" conditions.

For the next couple of days I will apprise you of some important medical information from the February issue of Dr. Andrew Weil's Self Healing.

As per his monthly "On my mind" feature, Dr. Weil sez: "On my mind: Persimmons."

There's more.

From the cover article "Making Sense of Scents" we learn the following information:

"In research to determine which scents boost sexual arousal, licorice, cucumber, and [creepily enough] baby powder were found to best increase blood flow to women's gen[erals]. For men, pumpkin pie was most appealing." I'll assume that in a paragraph edited out for space, Dr. Weil noted that on his "Sexiest Smells" questionnaire, "pumpkin pie" actually came in second to the popular write-in vote, "boobs."

A summary of the February 2005 issue of UC Berkeley's Wellness Letter:

"Riding in traffic can give you more than a headache--it can bring on a heart attack."

"Are you pre-sick?"

"As your stamina and coordination increase, you'll be able to jump longer and faster and try fancier footwork."

"Defecation is taboo as a subject for polite conversation."

"Share your Chinese food."

Mountain Residents Live Longer

This news item fails to make any mention of the great massacre in which the noble mountain people were slain by the wicked valley people seeking treasure buried deep beneath a stone. As it turns out, the "treasure" was a simple message of peace, which confused the valley people who did not speak the language. The valley people moved on to pillage the mountain people's homes, and in the end did pret-ty well for themselves.

A Little Meat Adds a Lot to Poor Kids' Diets

Hey poor kids: Why don't you idiots try eating meat for a change?

Malt Liquor Drink of Homeless and Unemployed

Yeah, right! Try "Malt Liquor Drink of Awesome Dudes." Yes! Party at my place tonight, everybody. My dad is buying us some King Cobras, so you know it will be off the hook. He's out of work right now, so be nice to him. I love you, Dad, keep truckin!

X Chromosome Shows Why Women Differ From Men

Why would you read this article when I've got all the answers right here in my stand-up act?: Whereas men are always like "I can't commit," women are always like "Does this make my butt look big?"

Thank you, you guys have been great.

Gut Bacteria Use Sugar Disguise, Study Finds

I found this headline difficult to parse. Also, "gut bacteria"? This lets me know me we are dealing with some intellectual heavy-hitters. A layperson like myself would have said "belly juices."

U.S. Rabbis Can Use Tube to Suck Circumcision Blood

Finally! Now people will stop thinking this ritual is crazy.

(Click on the link and note the ways in which the capitalization and punctuation errors on the actual headline make it somehow awesomer.)

This week I'll be briefing you on some headlines from the National Institutes of Health (NIH) that I fear you might have missed while I was away.

100 Years Ago at JAMA

Miscellany
Infants in Sweat Shops.--About the limit in the atrocities of sweat labor is the case of a female infant, eighteen months of age, who, according to the newspapers, was discovered at sweat shop work in a tenement house. The baby rolled balls in paste for her mother to work with.
Dr. Osler as a Joker.--When Dr. Osler issued his dictum on the uselessness of the average man who has passed his fortieth and sixtieth birthday, says the Nebraska State Journal, it must have warmed his soul to see how vigorously the solemn editors took the bait and made off with it. Dr. Osler, let it be known, is an incorrigible wag. One of his previous exploits was the publication that 33 1/3 per cent. of the women students in medicine in Johns Hopkins University had married into the faculty. After the sage editors had swallowed the hook, bob and sinker, he unsmilingly came forward with the further information that there were three of these students in the university, and one of them had married a professor!

I'm going on sabbatical for a short time. Until then, take any kind of drug and participate in any kind of clinical trial you please. You'll probably be safe!

For now, go here and click on "submit answers" to see how you almost got tricked by the government.